Domestos would have you believe that for every second you're in contact with a toilet seat, your rectum is being assailed by anthropomorphic bacteria complete with cartoon villain voices and a sinister and far-reaching proliferation scheme.



FLYING GERMS. Oh shit! They've discovered aerial assault! Maybe we should all be wearing neck collars which produce a constant shroud of Domestos mist to protect us from the nasties permeating every square inch of our surrounding air. And each bathroom visit should necessitate an invasive full body decontamination ritual not unlike that of a high alert Ebola outbreak.


Dettol would have you believe that every corporeal surface you encounter is swarming with faceless and mindlessly malignant bacteria bent on finding human hosts to thrive within and ultimately destroy.



OH FUCK. Did you hear that ominous, clunking piano track!? And the germs, the fucking germs! Absolutely nothing is safe! Luckily, using Dettol soap will reduce your 'Germ Level' to a comforting 1. Sidenote: you must also rinse your mouth with Dettol, wash your legs, arms, torso, genitalia and buttocks in order to achieve Germ Level 1. Only then can you feel free to embrace your daughter. The process must be repeated once every 6 seconds, because, according to the ad, this is the amount of time it takes to acquire 7000 individual bacteria.

Yes!

Why did you say your father held me as a child you flaming, flamboyant fuck? Because if he did the doctor would have seen and he would have been stethoscoped in an uncomfortable place, and I know because I used to monitor the CCTV cameras. In a hospital.

Crush Fetish

Some people out there enjoy being stepped on. They enjoy the feeling of subjugation.
Whatever floats your boat, go out and get your pasty, anemic face stepped on by a woman in stilettos for all I care.
But, the minute you bring cats, rabbits, small rodents etc. into the picture, then you've got a problem, and society has a problem with you.
If you become tumescent at the sight of a woman laying a stone slab on a small rabbit, then sitting upon it until its organs spew from its mouth, then there is something fundamentally wrong in your head.
I've heard all about how 'everything is a fetish', rule 34 and all that, but how can ANYONE defend this shit? Oh, look, the sick cunts actually made an attempt...

(I can't find the original quote, and I'm not going to)

"CF (crush fetish) is about giving up your life to a member of the opposite sex."
Well, you go out and do that then, please. Give your life up to a stone slab and some woman's fat arse. Remove your fucked up, defective genes from the world.
Or, did you mean that the ANIMALS enjoy 'giving up their lives'? Surely you can't be that fucking vapid.

"Those that oppose CF, should first ask themselves if they are vegetarian!"
I'm gonna paint a distinction here.
I eat meat, I support the HUMANE slaughter of animals, in the belief that a life taken for sustenance is a life not wholly wasted.
These wankers revel in the infantile, barbaric and slow death of defenseless creatures, so that some socially inept soon-to-be serial killer can expel a few orbs of spunk from his limp dick.

FUCK YOU

The serial killer comment was not without foundation, by the way;
"Serial killers often start out their "careers" by maiming, harming and torturing small animals. In extreme cases, they have been known to spend hours inflicting a slow death on animals when they are young. This act is a form of control, and allows them the power they crave and feel they can not get elsewhere. This is a very serious early warning sign to get help. Do not think they will outgrow this phase."

Fusion Paranoia

Fusion Paranoia is a term used to describe the indiscriminate assimilation of information into a wider (conspiracy) theory. It needn't have any correlation to established elements of the theory in question. It might, even, be pure speculation.
And it is rampant within the tin-foil-hat-wearing, black-helicopter-watching community.

Take, for instance, two simple holes in the South Pole, spotted with Google Earth. What could they be? Glacial artefacts? No! Sink holes? No! Dark, overshadowed bedrock, giving the illusion of depth? NO!
OBVIOUSLY, they're entrances to a vast network of underground tunnels.
Used by aliens, of course, on their regular refuelling stops. Sometimes they take the time to influence our government and blow up buildings in New York.
I'm not making this up, by the way:
(skip to 2:30)




I didn't think it could get much worse than this, until I saw...





That's right... Those are fucking clouds.

Sigh... It's not easy, you know, debunking these conspiracy theories. Hours upon hours spent analysing every minute detail of each video...

I'm gonna do more on this topic soon, it's very fun.

CopperCab, the tool

I don't like calling people idiots. I prefer to see them as having a slightly skewed outlook on the world. But CopperCab, subject of the infamous "GINGERS HAVE SOULS!" video, truly is an idiot. He believes that -

- Being ginger is a serious social affliction and very much above big noses, acne or gimp legs in terms of amount of abuse received.

- South Park, despite constant, relevant messages of tolerance and equal rights, do in fact have something against his 'people', and encourage their alienation.
Also, that the promo which featured Cartman giving his rendition of CopperCab's 'souls' rant, was designed as an inside joke with only himself in the exclusion zone, "Did you not think that I would see? I saw... the damn commercial on TV... If an episode about me, or my people airs, I will be... I will be... I will be livid, all right?"

- M.I.A's shock video, 'Born Free', which features gingers being hunted and routinely expolded or otherwise killed, is a call to arms for non-gingers... Rather than a run-of-the-mill allegory for trivial non-acceptance of minorities and subsequent 'cleansing'.

- Unfunny, effeminate, and narcissistic Youtuber Michael Buckley (aka WHATTHEBUCKSHOW), should be shouted at for using the term 'firecrotch' in a review of Twilight: Eclipse, and then making a surprisingly fair follow-up video in his own defence. Despite his grating personality, Michael should be complimented for making the point that no one group is immune to mockery.
CopperCab shouted anyway.

He just doesn't seem to get it. If he thinks he's alleviating the 'plight' of his 'people', then he's sadly mistaken. He is, in fact, the web generation's ginger pariah.
Maybe us gingers really are deplorable genetic abominations...
Can I get a genocide here?

2012 Bollocks

Barack Obama is the 44th president of the United States.
4 + 4 = 8

Obama has two ears, two kids, two testicles, and was born of two parents.
8 + 2 = 10

10 or X is the designation of the reptilian infested planet Nibiru!!!
The planet which will pass by Earth on December 21st, 2012.

He operates from the Oval Office.
An elliptical orbit is one which is vaguely oval in shape, the very same orbit which Nibiru is on!

We are in grave danger, my friends, and we must prepare to fight against the incoming reptilian invasion. Or maybe Annunaki.

Obviously, Obama is reptilian scum who wishes to hoist his disgusting species back up the food chain. We forced them under ground thousands of years ago, keeping their knowledge and technology for ourselves. But infiltrators remain.

Take heed of my warning, and remember...
Those who would attempt to tell you that these words are untrue, that we AREN'T facing an interspecies war, or that great change is NOT approaching, are friends of, or are themselves, the enemy.

Truth

SMOKING WEED AND ANTICIPATING THE IMPENDING BOA CONSTRICTOR DEATH OF AN ASIAN MAN PISSING ON LARGE TITS!?!?

My tribute to Shane Dawson and Ray William Johnson.
The two biggest tools ever to walk the web.