Domestos would have you believe that for every second you're in contact with a toilet seat, your rectum is being assailed by anthropomorphic bacteria complete with cartoon villain voices and a sinister and far-reaching proliferation scheme.



FLYING GERMS. Oh shit! They've discovered aerial assault! Maybe we should all be wearing neck collars which produce a constant shroud of Domestos mist to protect us from the nasties permeating every square inch of our surrounding air. And each bathroom visit should necessitate an invasive full body decontamination ritual not unlike that of a high alert Ebola outbreak.


Dettol would have you believe that every corporeal surface you encounter is swarming with faceless and mindlessly malignant bacteria bent on finding human hosts to thrive within and ultimately destroy.



OH FUCK. Did you hear that ominous, clunking piano track!? And the germs, the fucking germs! Absolutely nothing is safe! Luckily, using Dettol soap will reduce your 'Germ Level' to a comforting 1. Sidenote: you must also rinse your mouth with Dettol, wash your legs, arms, torso, genitalia and buttocks in order to achieve Germ Level 1. Only then can you feel free to embrace your daughter. The process must be repeated once every 6 seconds, because, according to the ad, this is the amount of time it takes to acquire 7000 individual bacteria.